The Malaysiana Digests

Over Lunch

Over lunch, two friends yakked at each other. Some of us fall into this routine with some people they're very comfortable with, we just talk at them rather than to them. Maybe it's because we trust that they won't judge us, or at the very least, will hesitate for a few years before slinging mud in our face.

Over lunch, two friends yakked at each other. One friend told the other of a behavioural pattern she started noticing in herself. The soul-no soul dichotomy. The fact that two distinctly different behaviours can exist within the same body, manifested by two different environments, one that binds her to a certain archetype, and one that allows her to be free. This friend warned her friend that she recognises that if this is allowed to continue, she'll end up being a schizophrenic.

Over lunch, two friends yakked at each other. This time, the other friend came to the conclusion that he needed to share a film with the first friend, and others who have exhibited similar characteristics. Other than the woman present at the lunch table, two other names popped up as candidates in need of a Spanish film called "A woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown".

Laughs for demented people: This Website Will Change Your Life - Thanks Jikon for the pointer.

There Are Many Fishies in the Sea

And some may yet take the bait.

I got an email this morning in my Yahoo! account from 'Citicorp'. I've heard about emails where they masquerade as valid businesses, give you a link to click to which leads to a site that looks legitimate. This one is impeccable. The logos, branding, language and layout could fool any Citibank customer.

[Click on image to view full site image.]

Under the pretenses of security and housekeeping, the email, entitled "Important Information from Citibank Billing Department", asks you to go to a site to verify your account details. The site itself has a form that asks for your ATM/Debit Card number (CIN) and PIN number. It's even got real error-handling - it checks that your input for the debit card number is at least 14 digits long. After signing on, it leads you to a page that asks you for your credit card details, like expiry date and your card verification number.

Most of us rational thinking people may not fall for this scam. We would definitely wonder how the bank got hold of our Yahoo! email address, or why they would choose to do business with us via this method. We would question why a bank needs us to verify information that they should know better, because all the information requested by the email/site is required for us to do any transaction with the bank.

But like those Nigerian scams, someone will fall for this. Maybe even someone who transacted at a merchant I frequent. And the bank, being rightly paranoid, will probably end up blocking the whole range of card numbers, including mine, once they find out that security has been compromised. Sigh... here we go again!

Related Article: Virus Writers Getting Greedy

It's Oh So Quiet... Shhh... Shhh...

The soundtrack for today should be Bjork's "It's So Quiet". It took 15 minutes to get from Kelana Jaya to KL this morning. There were no Mercedes cars parked outside Tower 1. There were no queues at the reception for visitors passes.

I bumped into no one at the lifts. I walked onto my floor and I saw 1 other person. There are probably 2 more on my floor, I'm not sure. Lucky I'm still in the Ramadhan mood, rather than the Raya mood (haven't felt like eating much). I'd hate to have to hunt down lunch mates today...

Internet access is unusually fast, although I still see the problems with the proxy server (note to self: call those guys on level 63). All my favourite pages pop up at lightning speed! Oh joy!

I felt the urge to write up those minutes of meetings from last week, but I quickly realised that this silence, the quietness of the building, comes but once a year... can't let it go to waste eh?

Side note: Glad to see Zarina finally decided to go public. Visit her site here.

Gallery: The Tradition of 'Ngunjung'

Eid comes early for us. We get a taste of Eid a week before Ramadhan is over. Read more on the tradition of 'Ngunjung'...










Picture: Some people just can't control themselves...

Expecting something in return

In the spirit of inner reflection near the end of Ramadhan, I'd just like to dwell a little on matters of faith.

Soli commented on my previous post:

"All our lives we are reminded there is only two choices: Heaven or hell. I don't remember being taught by ustaz or ustazah that being kind is part of our human nature. But I heard this say many times: "Membuat kebaikan itu umpama sebutir padi. Balasannya ialah umpama sepohon pokok padi yang mempunyai tujuh dahan. Setiap dari dahan in menghasil kan tujuh ribu biji padi." Or something like that. So, everytime we do good deed we expect something in return."

Maybe it's a cultural attitude that lead to this interpretation of Islam. But why do we need to expect something in return, for something we should do because it's right? Being a reciprocal do-gooder is dangerous, because our faith hinges on the sheer promise of reward to come, rather than rational thought that certain things should be done because it's 'good', while others should be avoided because it's 'bad'.

Acting solely on the promise of reward and the threats of punishment, to me, only serves to polarise society. It's either 'us' or 'them'.

Soli also mentioned the reactions he/she received when the topic was raised in a discussion group. I do hope that all those people were wrong. I recall a comment I read recently, about how we should not do good in order to get to heaven, because only He knows whether we have done enough. Our deeds should be guided by the very fact that He has asked us to submit to him, and that we sincerely wish to seek His acceptance. Perhaps this is a better way to look at things eh?

Drive safe people. Eid Mubarak.

Approaching Eidul Fitr

"Dalam satu babak kami memerlukan imej sembahyang/berdoa dan makan dipetang Sabbath - petang hari Sabtu. Sabbath adalah hari suci dan hari berehat untuk masyarakat Yahudi yang warak. Kami ingin merakamkan imej ini. Lalu kami meminta pandangan seorang Rabbai. Si Rabbai ini tidak menolak rakaman filem dibuat , tetapi bukan di hari Sabbath.

Jalan pintas terpaksa diambil - kami melakonkan ritual Sabbath ini pada hari Jumaat. Semua pihak bersenang hati - tidak ada pelanggaran kesucian agama dan kami mendapatkan imej yang kami perlukan. Selesai penggambaran kami dipelawa untuk makan bersama Rabbai yang telah mengimami lakonan sembahyang/doa tadi. Di waktu makan saya sebagai seorang insan jahil telah bertanya tentang makna Sabbath ini.

'Selama enam hari manusia bertungkus lumus dalam hidup. Wajib ada satu hari, satu ketika, satu detik untuk menjadi fokus dimana insan berhenti/berehat/bertafakur dan menilai kembali apa yang perlu dilakukanya untuk enam hari yang akan datang ini. Pilihlah mana saatnya.'

Perjalanan hidup

Kata-kata Rabbai ini terus terpaku dalam ingatan saya. Tidak ada janji-janji untuk diberikan bidadari yang bermata jeli jika yang warak mengamalkan Sabbath. Tidak ada juga kata-kata ancaman untuk dihantar ke jahanam jika melanggar hari Sabbath.

Rasa saya beginilah juga kesucian bulan Ramadhan, nikmat di pagi Shawal, Deepavali, hari Vesak, hari Holi, hari Krismas, Tahun Baru Cina dan pelbagai hari yang dijadikan fokus oleh pelbagai bangsa dan pelbagai agama dalam dunia ini. Suatu hari, satu masa dan satu ketika dimana manusia yang beragama atau yang tidak percaya pada agama dapat merenung perjalanan hidup mereka. Untuk saya ini adalah ajaran sufi dan zen."

Interesting thoughts.

Save Your Back

I've received several enquiries about my notebook backpack from friends and strangers, latest one from Yashmin on a previous post.

Notebooks today have become necessities. Eventhough we used to lug around 3-4 kilo monstrocities, notebooks today aren't that much lighter, especially if you carry around the charger, external drives, spare CD-ROMs, USB mouse... you get what I mean.

Personally, I've managed with the bare minimum, I prefer to use the touchpad, my current office notebook has the CDR-W/DVD drives built in, and because thanks to the thumbdrive, my external floppy disk drive stays in my drawer. At 3kg, a large screen notebook like the one seen in this picture is still a challenge to move around.

Molly (my iBook) is a 12" blessing in disguise. It's light, small (so it fits into any decent-sized bag) and the charger is a neat little disk that's not a nightmare to transport.

But back to the 15" notebook and how I bring it around.

I ditched the Targus notebook bag that came with it, mainly because I'm convinced that the bag adds another half a kilo to the overall weight (in actual weight and 'drag'). I used a free notebook backpack I got from a course a while back, which didn't have all the pockets and frills that makes most notebook bags look masculine. But due to the sheer dimensions of this notebook, the bag itself couldn't offer the protection required (especially in the corners).

I hunted around and on impulse, bought a Desley bag. Less frills, fits the 15" nicely, with room to spare for a 2nd notebook. Yes, this bag was huge.

On a transit in Singapore, I wandered into the Samsonite boutique in Suntec City and saw these models. I've seen the first in KL, in at least 1 bag shop in KLCC (near the LRT station entrance) and one on the ground floor in Midvalley. It was retailing for abt RM500 a couple of months ago, but wasn't suitable because it barely fit my notebook, and the rigid clamshell structure didn't leave much room for anything else. The bag was cool though, it reminded me of the bag Lara Croft carried around in the last Tomb Raider.

I finally bought THIS>>> bag from the Samsonite boutique. It is from Samsonite's Phillip Starck line of backpacks. It has self-retractable straps, padding for one notebook and enough space for my charger and notepads. It hugs nicely to your body, ensuring maximum support for your back. I'm not sure if this bag is unisex, though I've seen one guy carrying it at the airport. But the design is definitely appealing to my feminine side.

I have only one complaint though, the finishing on the handle wears out after a while, but all in all, this is a nice refreshing change from the notebook bags of yesteryear.

I was told that this bag is available in Malaysia in Parkson outlets.

Try Being Alone in the Digital Age

Being in a large city like Kuala Lumpur, one is seldom alone. Every waking moment of your life is surrounded by people. There were times when I stayed in the office till 10pm hoping for a moment's peace in preparation for a big task, and to my disappointment, even in the steel cage that is the Twin Towers, my solitude was interrupted - by security guards.

So we have to accept that to live in this city, we must accept that we can never be truly alone. Most city-dwellers (de-)evolve by building a wall around them - the 'I don't see you and you don't see me' look. This sheer, non-existent wall is all we can hope to have, we pretend that it's there so that we fulfill our need for privacy. Whether it works or not, is a totally different question.

KL-ites are often irked by the rudeness of people who don't realise that there are others whose feelings they have to take care of. Ringing phones in movie theatres, loud conversations in seminars, and private gossip sessions on the LRT are all part of living in KL. Admittedly, some people have more manners than others, but can we blame those who are impervious to our discomforts? After all, being a polite person is stressful too...

So what happens if we keep our manners, manage our stress, learn to tune out our thoughts so we don't hear about whose friend went out with which Datuk in the LRT or at a cafe. Does that mean that we are entitled to our own private space?

It seems not. Even social recluses who find solace in the electronic world can't stay private. We all know about the power of cookies, the irritatingly long memory of search engines (I have a friend who can't seem to erase her past on Google), and other trails left all over the place, like Instant Messaging archives, online purchasing history, comments in chat groups, old blogs!!!

So maybe we think that private things should stay off the Internet. Communicate by phone... well, we now know that it's not safe either. Technically, telcos can already track a subsciber's proximity, lucky for us that this is not so prevalent in Malaysia. I read this article today that talks about a new encryption mobile phone. Retailing at USD$2270 times 2 (because you need both phones to have an encrypted conversation), it's the best bet you have to have a truly private conversation, given how 'easy' it has become to snoop on other people's mobile phone conversation.

"Interception of GSM calls is illegal in most, if not all, nations, but equipment to sniff and decode phone calls is readily available. GSM spy gear claims to "auto detect," decode and record conversations and "target specific numbers or randomly screen GSM mobile communication." The GSM standard itself includes a limited form of encryption, but Israeli researchers recently discovered a basic flaw in it. "

And we thought we're the only ones who suka jaga tepi kain orang...

p.s. The next time you see someone irritating you with bad behaviour, don't just sit there, do them a favour and discretely tell them that they are being rude. After all, you can't be pissed off with something you didn't do anything about...

Sitting Quietly - The Silent Post.

16.11.2004 - For Sale: PDA - iPaq 3870 (RM700)

Main Features:
Bluetooth-enabled, 32MB SD card.

Accessories:
Cradle, Leather Case (standard accessories) - Still in box.

Asking Price:
RM700

Optional Accessories (sold separately, please inquire):
iPaq GSM/GPRS sleeve
Portable USB sync cable
PCMCIA sleeve

Of Friends and Those Who Aren't Quite There

Every girl needs her support network - her circle of trust. The circle of trust often goes through several revisions before it settles into something that stands the test of time. We often need to keep our eyes open for changes that may require such revisions. Every once in a while, someone fails to give you the benefit of the doubt. More often than not, members are dropped off the list when it comes to the 'I need you but you weren't there for me' test. We all do this, albeit subconsciously. Once the trust that they'll be there for you is gone (and in all fairness, we usually give our friends heaps of chances), the friendship no longer 'feels right' and we move on.

Such is the cycle of friendship. Like a plant, it needs nurturing. Giving and taking is key, and we should always leave our judgmental selves at the door. Whenever the relationship starts feeling like it's horribly unbalanced and the one who is used to giving no longer has anything to give, or the attachment becomes more self-destructive than therapeutic, or there's a strong sense of betrayal, maybe it's time to call it quits.

The beauty with friendships is that there are no 'Dear John' letters that needs to be written. We just stop calling each other, there are no more funny jokes in the email, and before we realise it, it's been years since we last saw each other. We all know this as the 'drifting apart' maneuvre. The message is conveyed in the most subtle and 'painless' way possible and we can only hope that one day, our paths cross again - hopefully at a time when we know better.

"Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing, Only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness; So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence."

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Take Me As I am

It's different, this being an adult thing. I'm 28 and I'm just realising the burden of adulthood, mainly because I've gone at least twice around the block in this child-adult (too hard)-child-adult (forced) cycle. Yes yes, we all have to be adults some time, but can we do without the judging?

Personally, I am guilty of judging, especially in matters where I have a chip (or rather block) on my shoulder. The times when I am more rational, I choose to digest what I see and hear and take things at face value first - no judging, as long as no daggers are hurled at me, I'm fine.

This attitude, thank God, has given me many wonderful experiences. There was that one girl who people thought was ditzy, who turned out to be my conscience and a treasure trove of trivia. There was this one guy who is horribly eccentric (not unlike that Jack Nicholson in 'As Good As It Gets'), who turned out to be one of the most loyal friends I could hope to have.

First impressions count, to a certain extent, but what value do we get by judging at first sight? We fall in love and think that this must be IT, we meet kindred spirits and think it will be the friendship that lasts for all time. This I see as a human failing, we are impatient with our life experiences when instead, we should take a deep breath and see ourselves and our lives as objectively as we would read a book.

For me at least, I do not regret taking the scenery of my life as I would a good cup of coffee. Small sips, letting the thick dark liquid roll around in my mouth and slide down my throat, and allowing for maximum surface exposure of the coffee to my tastebuds. Once all this is settled, then I draw my conclusions. Snail speed and not so net-ready, which convinces me even further that my destined path in life is as a (wireless-connected) hermit in a cave (or rather seaside cottage) sipping a very strong cup of Turkish coffee.

Being an adult, as I have learned (and am still learning) is about making decisions, that while there are some things we need to be patient with, there are some which we may not have the strength to swallow. Wisdom is in knowing which goes where.

Funny how when we think we have figured things out, it's almost time to go.

Cravings Getting Worse...

Maybe it's just because my office is cold. Maybe it's because I have several more buka puasa buffets to brave through. I don't know. I'm not hungry, and even if I weren't fasting, I'd still be craving.

Those Godiva chocolates have been haunting me. I missed several chances to have Godiva chocolate cake mainly because once the opportunity is within reach, I no longer crave as much. As soon as I'm 400 kilometers away, it starts up again. Today is one of those days when it's really really bad.

What made it worse was the fact that I stumbled on this entry on 'Desserts New Yorkers Love'.

"...because there's nothing like waiting 20 minutes for chocolate cake with melted chocolate inside, accompanied by vanilla ice cream."

Look out for an entry on 'Desserts Najah Loves'. In the meanwhile, don't click here. Or here. Or especially here. Don't, I tell you!

Quizilla Time

Whenever Sarini does one, I find myself doing one too.

You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and
compassion.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I haven't watched Matrix Revolutions, but from previous movies, Neo seems like he constantly needs reassuring to go on, and his self-doubt is quite obvious. That bit I can identify with...

Update: At last count, this site has 329 comments on the movie.

My Ramadhan Buffet Review

This Ramadhan buffet phenomenon is getting out of hand. Prices have become exhorbitant and Malaysians (or KLites to be precise) go on a feeding frenzy despite the prices restaurants and hotels are charging for these meals.

(I'm not proud to say that despite my resolutions this year, I've joined the crowd albeit minus the gorging myself silly bit.)

Take for example, Chinoz on the Park, at RM45++, is almost RM10 more expensive as compared to last year. The selection is still the same, although I would argue that the food is not as fresh as it was last year. It also doesn't help that they prevent you from ordering ala carte from 6.30 to 7.30 to 'make way' for the buffet.

Shrooms, also in KLCC, has maintained its price, although I cannot comment on the quality of the food because the crowd resembles that of typical Malaysian kenduri kahwin. That and the restaurant's need to blare loud music that can be heard clearly all the way down the KLCC fountain-side strip have both managed to keep me away this year.

I had the opportunity to sample the buffet in Nikko Hotel within the first couple of days of Ramadhan - which I must say has improved in terms of supply (the choices available is as good as last year) and quality. Everything from the oysters and yabbies to the nans and paneer tastes fresh, and they somehow managed to keep the restaurant uncluttered by distributing the buffet to various parts of the restaurant - eliminating queues and crowds. But the price is a bit hefty - RM77 nett - I can't really compare though because I didn't pay for my meal last year...

Which brings me to my latest buffet experience. Our seminar host today was thoughtful enough to give F&B vouchers to the Muslim attendees, which brought my buffet dinner at the Westin down by RM40.

The Westin next to the Marriott is very new - it was opened just in time for OIC sometime last month. The decor is modern and urban, what caught my eye was the amazing chandelier-type pieces that reminded me of very colourful rambutans.

The hotel is decked with lots of glass surfaces and dark wood - two of my favourite furnishing finishes. Minimalist yet distinctly Asian, I was told that the hotel was proudly high tech. High tech as it was, I think someone didn't know how to use the environmental controls when it came to our conference room!

But back to dinner. The Westin has 4 F&B outlets, Prego - an Italian restaurant, The Living Room - the hotel restaurant, Splash - a poolside health food cafe and the hotel bar. The Ramadhan buffet, available for RM88 nett, is served at The Living Room.

The ambience was great. Soft lighting, distributed buffet areas and jazzy music (live and recorded) makes The Living Room a great business dinner venue (Ella Fitzgerald called me to the restaurant, and the Girl from Ipanema kept me there). You can actually hear yourself talk, and not hear the conversation of others nearby. You don't get elbowed at the buffet, and the staff look you in the eye when they smile at you.

The spread itself was nothing to shout about at first, until you taste the food. Dessert, my main interest whenever I go for a buffet, was simple yet distinctive. Of course, they had the local fruits, local kuih selection, and a mean pengat pisang, but what makes me give this place a double thumbs up is the Middle Eastern dessert platters (see this post for my obvious obssession with Middle Eastern culture). Yes - baklavas made a huge appearance here my friends! I was pleasantly surprised with the other stuff - Zeinab fingers and other Middle Eastern sweets I can't recall made my teh tarik not as sweet as it should have been!

The buffet included a very fresh selection of Japanese dishes, from your typical sashimi and sushi selections to the more exotic edameme, octopus and jellyfish salad. The makis were elaborate enough, not those half-hearted attempts by other establishments that try to be more 'international'.

I didn't get to try the local dishes, but I was informed that they were good - especially the ayam masak merah. Other dishes included roasted duck, beef rendang and two types of soup (sup ekor and minestrone), a very succulent fish on skewer dish and inventive vegetable selections - broccoli with prawns and pine nuts - yummy...

At this juncture, I would like to end my rave of this place on a high note - they serve authentic bubur lambuk! For the benefit of the non-Muslims, bubur lambuk is a special type of porridge usually given out in mosques. It consists of beef and chicken and a host of vegetables, or potatoes at the very least. This bubur lambuk reminds me of the ones I get in Johor. Very nice!

Overall, the ambience, selection of food, seating arrangements and quality of the hotel staff made this a very pleasing experience. I'm going again. Although, I'm not sure how much I'd rave about this place if I actually had to pay the full RM88 price tag...

Other Reviews:
1. Maju Palace by Jemi
2. Sheraton Subang by Hazarizal
3. Marriott Hotel by Hazarizal
4. Islamic Arts Museum by Kaz

(email me to add your review to this list)

Side Note:
A Beeeeeg Happy 1st birthday to Alysha Badrul Jabar.

Freezing Fast

Is it me or does fasting reduce your tolerance to air-conditioning? I never noticed this in previous years, maybe because my previous work had allowed me to remain active and hence, less susceptible to the cold temperatures of our office air-conditioning.

This year, I've managed to tolerate the cold with my variety of pashmina shawls and a walk-about break every hour or so. But today, some of us were subjected to cruel and unusual punishment.

We were attending a seminar at the Westin Hotel, and as the day went by, the temperature went lower and lower. It was so cold, that I noticed one of the speakers from the US shivering in his seat, despite his suit. At this point in time, I realised that my fingers and toes were numb, and if the host had not announced the 5-minute break, I would have bolted out the door anyway for some thawing time.

After another 10 minutes of shivering, I decided that enough was enough and took a cab back to work, which allowed me at least 15 minutes of nice Malaysian sun.

I'm still not fully thawed, and have to go back for the afternoon session so that I can get a free copy of this book (and of course listen to the rest of the speakers!)."

Brrrrrr....

Retail Therapy Weekend

I wish I could encapsulate scents into data packets and upload it to my website. Shopping with Penny took on new heights this weekend and of all my purchases, this is up there on the 'wow' scale. I found an AsianSpa body butter - under its Javanese Lulur range at the Life shop in Paragon. It's a combination of jasmine & frangipani fragrance, shea and cocoa butter. At SGD25.90 for a 180ml jar, it's a worthwhile investment - I get to surround myself with my favourite scent - jasmine...

Other wonderful purchases that may make an appearance on this site is a Salon Oriental CD from That CD Shop (I love the music they stock - and it's nice to be able to sit on a sofa, have drinks and have a personal DJ test a stack of CDs for you!). Salon Oriental is a compilation of what I call 'wailing Arab music', although not as wailing and desperate as the Buddha Bar series. Most of the tracks have an obvious Middle Eastern influence, with deep and resounding beats and light, non-overpowering French-Arab vocals.

A music with a subtle dancing urge, with dub inspired base lines on a lazy journey, a music soon corssing the path of a light and sleepwalking jazz, swiftly caught up with by a meaningful funk, borrowing influences from everywhere.

Ok, so my fascination for all things Middle Eastern is starting to show. What didn't help was that Baklava post a couple of days back. I went straight to Saray for my fix and was sorely disappointed to find that the kitchen was closed for renovations till next week. Sigh... Miss the sweet taste of it with Turkish coffee -"Coffee: black as hell, bitter as death, sweet as love" as the saying goes (thanks Kaz for the correction.).

So who was it who said love is everything?

I got a call from a friend in Australia today. Here's hoping that she gets that project that lands her HERE, in Malaysia! Anyway, thanks to her great calling card, we ended up chatting for half an hour. If only she had a digital camera, I could have a little window of what the same day looks like from Melbourne.

She asked me to post something on this site to get some feedback. So here goes.

Article: So who was it who said love is everything?
- (can't credit it to anyone, this is one of those forwarded emails)

A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success. When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married.

Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. Fifty percent of the people out there are apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions: Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing." So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following:

1) How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as a waiters, bus boy, taxi driver etc?
2) How do they treat parents and siblings?
3) Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
4) Do they show respect?

If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them! Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage... for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Looking Back and Forth

Sometimes, things seem beyond your control. Your head gets into this spiral of thoughts - what if I did this, or what if I did that. You realise that you can no longer do anything about things that have already happened - yet you wonder if the future will be any different. You find it difficult to wake up in the morning, because you fear that the day will bring you into the same cycle, over and over again. You fear that you have no choice in how your life pans out, and you would rather sleep instead of live the day.

Most of us grow up by going through a period of irreverence and immortality. We guide our paths through a series of small decisions, all based on impulse and short-sighted wisdom (or lack of). The combination is potent - it leads us to another place so far away from our childhood ideals that we wonder how we got there in the first place.

Some argue that there's no use looking back. Tracing back those steps can't change things in the present. But taking that retrospective walk may uncover the reasons behind how those small steps lead to that collossal crisis. Maybe then we begin to see what not to do.

We just have to take care to tread lightly.

Molly is on Panther!

Molly is on Panther! Even without the memory upgrade, startup is noticeably faster. Loading applications and toggling the dock is not as sluggish on my memory-challenged machine, confirming that Panther is a much more efficient and lighter OS.

My favourite feature so far is 'Expose'. It allows you to unclutter your desktop at the touch of a button, something Windows is still struggling with. One key fits all active windows into one screen, allowing you to see what you're working on and choose which screen to go to. Another key darkens the background, highlighting which window is active. Nothing high-tech, but definitely useful.

For shared machines, Panther allows you to suspend your session and switch users. When this happens, the display turns into a cube and rotates itself. Cute!

I haven't had a chance to fully explore Panther. Molly's memory upgrade is postponed for a wee bit longer, but even without this, I can see how Panther is a seriously cool upgrade!

More: Panther Review here.