Imagine a person wriggling to break free of his skin, or wriggling to settle into his skin - like a snake.
I've heard different people recognise those who are uncomfortable in their own skin. It's a curious descriptor and I found myself wondering whether that's the image I portray?
To a certain extent, I think I have yet to find my fit. There are contradictions within me that I deal with everyday. These contradictions sometimes manifests itself in emotional outbursts than runs in opposite directions to what I think I feel. I still scan my surroundings, observe how people act and note what they think they are by what they say.
Despite all that, I think I am somewhat comfortable in my skin. I know who I am and who I want to be. I know my insecurities well. I walk out of the house sans make-up as if I'm making a defiant stand - I can make it to the office without the crutch of cosmetics. Of course, the make-up goes on as soon as I get to my desk. (And no, it's not peer pressure - my colleagues are some of the brightest, most amazing cosmetically minimal women I have ever met. I just don't like being accused of being ill!)
But of course there are other measures of whether we are comfortable with ourselves, whether the centre of our being is in perfect alignment...
I probably can't conclude whether or not I'm comfortable in my own skin. I don't think I can tell - I'm watching myself from the inside. I should be oblivious to the metamorphosis when it happens.
But there are 'astute' beings out there who can tell. Both, in my quick observation, are those who lay low, keeps their mouth shut, and watches (which effectively makes them creepy people...). In one case, I asked this being, what leads her to deduce that a person was uncomfortable in his own skin?
To which she replied - He changes personalities, drifting from one to another along with the crowd that he's trying to impress. He's becoming one type of person, filling it up with some level of substance, and then moves on according to what gets him furthest.
Changing one's skin, just like a snake.
Posted by Najah Nasseri at 2004年05月19日 21:11 | TrackBackBut then again, Najah, we adapt to different crowds, changing our acts, our accents (and even our personalities) to suit the ones we're with. It's only natural. Like my friend likes to say: It's why the cockroaches have lasted as long as they have.
To a certain extent, then it IS natural. I guess when it happens a bit too jarringly, is when we begin to say the person is uncomfortable. Oh hell, I dunno.
Posted by: Ash.ox at 2004年05月19日 23:15I've heard the same saying as well. However the analogy links more to change and the adaptation to it. When we embark on a journey, things will have to change, keeping in mind the final goal and objective. "Skin" is the outward appearance of a person, their "visible" character. Like a snake, that part of us changes through time.
We learn more and hopefully grow wiser with age. Along that journey, some changes or "skin" may or may not fit. The trick is to evolve till it fits. Eventually it will, we just have to be patient ang committed to the goal.
Posted by: Tifische at 2004年05月20日 09:51Oh another thing, I was too quick with the "Post"
I realised this "evolution" have been used for both material as well as spiritual needs. It just depends on what kind of person you are.
Posted by: Tifische at 2004年05月20日 09:55i agree with ash. i would think most of us are comfortable with our skins but we tend to change our skins to adapt to different situations.
Posted by: lucia at 2004年05月20日 10:28Why is it so difficult to be who we are? Isn't it pathetic to let others decide? True that we should behave keep up our appearances accordingly, but please, not to the point of sacrificing out true colors. Spotting real people has become a favorite sport for me.
Posted by: rhomer at 2004年05月20日 11:16Maybe some of us ARE born snakes/shapeshifters, or at least until we find a frequency we can resonate nicely with. And to answer rhomer: what makes you sure you know what's real?
And I think Sashi answered it best.
Posted by: Ash.ox at 2004年05月20日 13:24everyone does not have a consistent/fixed personality,..
changing is part of being relevant and interesting...
it is changing inappropriately, tastelessly..without subtlety with over-pretentiousness that makes one look so apparently "uncomfortable in his own skin"...
but then again, what skin??
Birds of the same feathers. Masuk kandang kambing mengembek. When in Rome. For so long as YOU know who and what you are, that's fine. Whatever skin you assume to achieve a certain purpose after knowing what you are is actually, to me, a necessity.
Changing skins because you don't know your fit is the problem. Some have the ability to actually see their own real skins. Some have to take more effort to see it. And some are just blind.
Posted by: namiaf at 2004年05月20日 23:15So you guys are actually accepting this behavior? Is it for social acceptance or survival ? Different oneself with different people of social status, education, physical appearance, environment etc ? Sometime I don't blame anyone on this. It's the society putting too much pressure on individual to accept an ambiguous moral code and standard. I find it very prevalent back home. Even I feel oblige whenever I return. It makes me sick.
Ash: these people normally don't have much opinion of anything. They are too afraid in case the crowd will disagree.
Posted by: rhomer at 2004年05月21日 00:47So you guys are actually accepting this behavior? Is it for social acceptance or survival ? Different oneself with different people of social status, education, physical appearance, environment etc ? Sometime I don't blame anyone on this. It's the society putting too much pressure on individual to accept an ambiguous moral code and standard. I find it very prevalent back home. Even I feel oblige whenever I return. It makes me sick.
Ash: these people normally don't have much opinion of anything. They are too afraid in case the crowd will disagree.
Posted by: rhomer at 2004年05月21日 00:47all of a sudden i'm reminded of the film 'being john malkovich' - it's really about being comfortable IN ONE'S SKIN. a bit of a mindfuck but interesting movie nonetheless.
Posted by: Emily at 2004年05月21日 09:47I agree with namiaf, there's a core 'me', and I'm comfortable with my identity, whether I'm speaking Malay or English, or even whether I'm speaking English in different ways with different people. My philosophy when communicating with other people is "when in Rome..."
When I was a teenager I found I was able to become close to several very distinct groups because I could easily communicate with them on their respective levels. It wasn't a different me with each person or group, and I'm sure the different groups I was friends with wouldn't find their perceptions of me so different if they got together. In the end it's just me. I know who I am, and even if I present myself in different ways to different people, every one of those people sees the real me.
Mr Jordan here hit it spot on. This is interesting cause I wrote about the same thing in my blog (not as good as this one though). I present my self differently to different people. Am I not being myself? I don't think so. I feel most comfortable that way. So the question becomes, are we trying to portray a single true personality because we feel comfortable or because people tell us we should be comfortable presenting one personality? So in conclusion, if I present my ONE true self to everybody, then I am not presenting my true self. This is because my true self is not ONE but MANY.
Posted by: Prideless at 2004年05月21日 19:33