Don't let go of your childhood idealisms. That's what I learned from a movie last night. I hope it's not too late.
This past few weeks, so many things have happened. Depending on how I tell the story, one could either view it as comical, or tragically comical. The same way I used to view anything in my life. Cynically funny.
Every 15 minutes of my life can be made into a sitcom. But there are parts I can't tell, and there are parts I don't have the words to tell. But consider, a sitcom where the main character is starts off looking at the world with rose-tinted glasses and you watch her, season after season, as her world becomes a dark comedy.
I can feel myself turning.
Maybe it's my age catching up on me. No, I'm not referring to the cynicism that the young holds against the generation before, the government or any sort of establishment. I'm not referring to the kind that you get from reading the news or watching CNN.
I'm the referring to the kind that triggers the nerves at the sound of a name, the kind that sends you into a spiral that leaves you grasping for a pillow to scream into. No, I'm referring to the kind that you get when you watch life unfold as a sick parody of a fairytale, first hand.
The turning point never sends you a warning letter. It creeps up on you, accumulating as many thorns as it can, and when it's ripe, it smothers you in its poison.
Don't write me off just yet. I'm functional. I have dreams I'm not about to let go of. Not for anything or anyone, anymore. The difference is, I used to think that dreams needed no protection. It was either there or not. I never thought that dreams needed safe harbour through the storms of life.
Perhaps I just discovered more of my limits - limits to patience, limits to optimism, limits to limits. Like the man who ran out of 'nice' in a Mad About You rerun, I've run out of a lot of things.
[Thank God that my plant was resuscitated for the second time. I don't know what I'd do if it died and left Meesh's cactus all alone in my kitchen.]
Maybe that's why everything is a joke nowadays. Because I just can't handle the world in any other way. Not yet.
Posted by Najah Nasseri at 2004年05月15日 00:18 | TrackBackYou watched "Under a Tuscan Sun" ? I watched it 5 times already...I can memorise every single nice catchy phrase :)
Posted by: cherry at 2004年05月15日 00:33hey, keep ur ideas and experiences. when the malaysian movie/sitcom industry takes off, we'll have great sources to inspire. ;)
the malaysiana digests. 8pm, Channel 19. :D
Hmm...you often don't realise you've changed until you think back to how you were before, or how the "old" you would have reacted or acted in certain situations and you find - good God - I'm so different now..
It's always a difficult balance..esp for those who've been through a particularly hard phase...to balance the lesson's harshness against the good that's still out there in the world.
Posted by: Zsarina at 2004年05月17日 13:38