It's often said that the value of a woman lies in her potential as a wife and that the be-all and end-all of her goals in life should be to get married and 'settle down'. As simple as it sounds, it's a never-ending paperchase of sorts - the marriage certificate followed by many many birth certificates seems to mark a woman's progression in society.
In Malaysia, the process of assigning the value of a woman has now become slightly more sophisticated. Another piece of paper, her academic qualifications, pushes her 'value' higher - at least when it comes to her dowry in the Malay community.
Charting a graph of desirability would yield a good evolutionary trend for women - that all these demands by society forces us to do better. We used to be expected to be good homemakers (cooking and housekeeping abilities are very much in demand), and now, we're expected to have successful careers too.
Wonderful. But what then?
What happens after you start accumulating the non-academic certificates? Most women end up being closeted to give way to the *real* breadwinner, whom in some cases, have not reached the level of enlightenment required by the role. The burden of family and marital harmony, then, ends up resting on her shoulders.
It's not easy being a woman. That's something we always complain about, irrespective of the stage of life we're in. We're ride the rollercoaster of this 'graph' - our value appreciates in in our youth as we start accumulating our professional certificates (which gives us money to appreciate our value even more with make-up and clothes), and depreciates once we accumulate the more traditional certificates.
I'm thankful for the many conveniences and freedoms our society has to offer women, but it's sad to see the lengths that so many young women out there have to go to in order to 'play the game' of Catch (- a husband) - irrespective of whether these men are really deserving of them.
In case no one has noticed, this is a rant and warning about the many perils of allowing yourself to succumb to a patriarchal system.
On a side note (something off-topic that sparked off this rant):
To the men, don't hang on to all this 'honour' and 'family shame' business for the wrong reasons. I read something today that truly made me sick.
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Of P Ramlee and the Malay Mindset - Comment
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Equitability II
Excellent post. Tradition is something we tend to take too far without knowing why. I guess it all boils down to knowing what you're worth, and not letting anyone tell you different.
We only get what we think we deserve, sometimes.
Look at me, trying to be smart. LoL.
Posted by: Ash.ox at 2004年03月18日 11:51Try questioned the norm to the society. Start with our own family. I've done that, and I've been regarded as a 'rebel'.
Society's demand on women aside, what Najah think of a woman should do?
Posted by: perswis at 2004年03月18日 13:42A website about Women in Islam
http://www.islamfortoday.com/women.htm#Rights
Posted by: perswis at 2004年03月18日 14:02A woman in this age has to be strong and believe in herself. She must also not be afraid of the sometimes bent 'standards and values' set for women in her society.
Stand up for yourself. At the end of the day, you can prove your worth not only to yourself, but you family, friends, community and country.
Posted by: pickyin at 2004年03月18日 15:59though we are now living in the modern age, society still look to women who are not married as 'one kind'. i get very irritated that after i told people my age, they would assume that i am married but when i told them i am not married, they will asked "why are you not married?". sheesh! as if there should be a reason! even if there is, none of their business. hmph!
Posted by: lucia at 2004年03月18日 16:11Lucia, I never get irritated with such question. Evertime my married friends ask me, I will ask them back "you nak cari madu ke?" That shuts them up for good. heh heh hehh...
Posted by: Honeytar at 2004年03月18日 23:57hmm.. my 2-sens..
woody allen in 'deconstructing harry' said scornfully- "tradition is the illusion of permanence."
and just a little reflection i realised that we have just been independent for only half a century. and all the while for about around 400 years been colonised. did that play a part in the patriarchal order we have now?
it is a brave new world, and although cultural shifts might take a while, thanks to the internet and courageous blogs like yours, hopefully the next generation of men and women will be more matured and better informed.
i find ur blog a great read because i can learn and better understand women's thoughts, perspectives and issues. its like being mel gibson in 'what women want'. ekekeke..
anywayz, heres verse 1-7 from surah al-Lail (The Night)
Surah 92. The Night
http://www.islamicity.com/quran/92.htm
1. By the Night as it conceals (the light);
2. By the Day as it appears in glory;
3. By (the mystery of) the creation of male and female;-
4. Verily, (the ends) ye strive for are diverse.
5. So he who gives (in charity) and fears ((Allah)),
6. And (in all sincerity) testifies to the best,-
7. We will indeed make smooth for him the path to Bliss.
----
p/s did you know that eric clapton's song 'Layla' is based on Nizami's great love story Laila and Majnun? Laila is said to have beautiful dark black hair, as black as night. more at
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1857821610/qid%3D1079630912/202-4594144-5742220
Posted by: faren at 2004年03月19日 00:37oh and another thing.. heres a link to an article on a vote in the uk on who is the best mother in public life, fictional or real, ... the nation voted for Marge Simpson. :D
http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,3604,1172042,00.html
Posted by: faren at 2004年03月19日 00:43I cannot compare the value of woman to man or vice versa. They are different and with different roles and responsibilities.IMHO, the value should be measured on their contribution and achievement and not on their gender.
Posted by: Adib at 2004年03月20日 21:52