It is not often that we get the courage to truly take charge of our lives. Most of the time, we hover over various options, considering all the possible destinations, and yet continue to float along with the currents and flow of the world.
As Asians, we first consider our societal responsibilities. We choose first to consider the norms and whether conforming would be a more acceptable option. We consider our first tier values, those we cannot compromise on because of our faith and beliefs. And then only do we consider our own needs and wants as an individual. If all factors are aligned, only then do we move.
For me, faith and belief is uncompromisable. Perhaps this is because despite the fact that it was threatened so many times in my life, it has come back stronger than ever. Perhaps it is because my faith has opened my eyes to my world and my self. It has been my most loyal companion, eventhough I have not protected it as well as I should.
It is unfortunate that in Malaysia, we choose to mix matters of faith with matters of culture. We so easily apply tags that are judgmental and declare it so in the name of religion. It is even worse when issues of gender perceptions and patriarchal values are thrown into the equation.
A good friend and I chatted about how people view us as women. Those who know us would assume that we are total opposites, mainly because most people choose to judge people by their outward appearances. Maybe because we're women, we feel the pressure. We feel the burden of assumption and the pain of prejudice.
Her take on things: Screw people.
I would tend to agree with that attitude. There have been times when a woman's worse enemy is society. I have seen too many women suffer in silence, accepting what the world dishes out to them rather than empowering themselves to take what they deserve. I find it sad that some women define themselves in terms of the success of the men in their lives rather than their own. I am at times disturbed at the lengths some women go through for social acceptance.
You forget too much
That every creature, female as the male,
Stands single in responsible act and thought
As also in birth and death.
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Aurora Leigh (bk. II, l. 472)
We have our principles and we have our values. We have our hopes, we have our dreams and we serve those who need us most. Once in a while, when we reach those crossroads between mediocrity and greatness, between duty and desire - it is important to remember that a woman is as much in control of her life as anyone.
Posted by Najah Nasseri at 2003年12月12日 14:34 | TrackBackwhoaahh.... that last paragraph is good enough to warrant a life-affirming "AMEN! sister!" although i intend no pun with the 'men' bit. and uhmm, just wanna share with u a quote from the great and inimitable Rumi,
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." - Rumi
taken from http://www.wisdomquotes.com/000461.html
Posted by: faren at 2003年12月13日 02:14This has been something that society has been struggling with for ages, the perception of true equality. Everyone forgets that in the eyes of Allah, all are created equal.
If that is so why does man create the distinction? Society in its own self righteous way takes it upon themselves to judge and by doing so creates these "peer-pressures".
I share the same sentiments as your friend ... screw them. Why dont they correct themselves first before imposing their values on others.
Posted by: Gabriel at 2003年12月13日 03:42how can society/men hate/think bad/be biased against women when women are part of their lives from before they are born? the most important people to me are women. my mother, my wife and my lovely lovely daughter. there are as many brainless men as there are brainless women.
Posted by: high and fast at 2003年12月15日 07:57Loving oneself sometimes lasts as long as one does not look in the mirror or at a photograph. It's difficult nowadays to completely accept one self when all around everyone's shouting you're too fat, too dark, too pale, too straight, too hippy..
And of course, there are cries of too agressive, too soft, too ambitious, too independent, too self-centred...When marriages break down, fingers point to the wives: tak pandai jaga suami...
Posted by: Brianna at 2003年12月15日 12:56bravo!bravo!
clap!clap!
excellent article Najah.
Yes, women, men, heshe, shehe or whatever should take charge in what they beleive in!
Of course in the context of the malaysian law
and syariah law.
There are times that somehow , we can deny this as much as possible, but the truth is, we can't live without society, which to some extend play an important role in our lives in becoming a complete person. Generally , yeah...screw them.Or runaway from them (but why do we have to run in the first place?)
Seen too many of the new fresh grads (in my course of interviewing ppl for a post etc)
that they can't make a decision/when challenged can't stand for what they beleive in.
We need more people with substance in Malaysia. Malaysia needs women/men like u Najah!