There are many things that tick off a person like me. But most of the time, my anger is in short bursts which quickly subsides as time passes by. Time in this case isn't years or months or even days. I usually calm down within minutes. Unfortunately, things have not been so easy lately.
I believe that my life of late has been a test of my faith, my patience and my worthiness as a human being. I have felt extremes in emotions I've never felt before in my 28 years of my life. Both ends of extremes are unfortunately too private and too painful to talk about, even in the offline world.
I have never felt anger that blinded me, literally. I have never felt disappointment that goes way down to the pit of my stomach, as if collapsing every square inch of my skin into my heart. I have never felt disgust that made my skin scrawl in such a way that only physical pain would placate.
I know now that there are limits to my capabilities. There are boundaries that when crossed, takes me to a point of no return. Yes, patience forms half of the 'iman' of a Muslim, and now I know why. Perhaps this was my test - my own failings and the failings of others are my punishment in this life.
Today, I'm blogging with my heart and self torn open for the world to see. I am allowing this one break in the facade that is my life because I am truly, horribly, and decidedly, heartbroken.
Posted by Najah Nasseri at 2003年12月04日 15:55 | TrackBackYou've got more strength and will than you realise.
Al-Baqarah, 286: "On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns."
Hope things turn out for the better.
Posted by: namiaf at 2003年12月04日 16:21I recall this feeling in another situation and I emphatise. But its something you must deal with, nothing anyone says here will do, sadly. Helplesss we all are at the end of the day. Take care Naj, hugs and you know my number.
Posted by: meesh at 2003年12月04日 16:25hope u are feeling better now.
if u need a hug, im just few steps away from ur cube :)
Posted by: maria at 2003年12月04日 17:43I am too far away to offer anything of real substance, but hang on in there, yeah?
Posted by: Idlan at 2003年12月04日 20:06Hello, Najah.
Warmest thoughts go to you in your time of pain. We're all with you, here.
Posted by: Ash.ox at 2003年12月04日 21:14Hello Najah,
I have been following your thoughts with interest ever since I found your site about a month ago. I am usually a passive reader, but this latest posting from you deserves my comment, I feel.
As always, things will look better given time. I know that is not much of a comment, but it is very true.
And I do love your thoughts, and am even thinking of having my own blog because of them. Hope that cheers you up a bit.
Posted by: Luke at 2003年12月04日 23:13I Guess everybody goes through a broken heart. Been there myself a couple of times over. But you always pickup pieces and get on with life, just like you will with yours. Trust me, you'll be stronger next time.
Posted by: fade0 at 2003年12月05日 04:28Naj,
remember that you are not alone. somewhere, someone on the other side of the world bears the pain as much as u do.
go out and eat icecream
Posted by: believe at 2003年12月05日 10:14Assalamualaikum Naj,
Everything happens for a reason. Sabar and tawakkal, k. :)
Bawak betenang ...
biasa lah, hidup macam kapal, sekejap kat ayer tenang, sat lagi beralun. biasa lah,
biasa lah, apa ada di hati boleh dikawal oleh si akal, apa yang terpikir oleh si akal boleh disemarakkan oleh hati. biasa lah,
biasa lah, yang tak diundang, menyingah; yang dihajat tak berselisih, biasa lah... biasa lah... biasa lah...
Posted by: Abg Piah at 2003年12月06日 02:06