Every girl needs her support network - her circle of trust. The circle of trust often goes through several revisions before it settles into something that stands the test of time. We often need to keep our eyes open for changes that may require such revisions. Every once in a while, someone fails to give you the benefit of the doubt. More often than not, members are dropped off the list when it comes to the 'I need you but you weren't there for me' test. We all do this, albeit subconsciously. Once the trust that they'll be there for you is gone (and in all fairness, we usually give our friends heaps of chances), the friendship no longer 'feels right' and we move on.
Such is the cycle of friendship. Like a plant, it needs nurturing. Giving and taking is key, and we should always leave our judgmental selves at the door. Whenever the relationship starts feeling like it's horribly unbalanced and the one who is used to giving no longer has anything to give, or the attachment becomes more self-destructive than therapeutic, or there's a strong sense of betrayal, maybe it's time to call it quits.
The beauty with friendships is that there are no 'Dear John' letters that needs to be written. We just stop calling each other, there are no more funny jokes in the email, and before we realise it, it's been years since we last saw each other. We all know this as the 'drifting apart' maneuvre. The message is conveyed in the most subtle and 'painless' way possible and we can only hope that one day, our paths cross again - hopefully at a time when we know better.
"Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing, Only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness; So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence."Posted by Najah Nasseri at 2003年11月15日 23:57 | TrackBack- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Friends who care for one another in the name of God, (a common goal of somesort) will have an everlasting friendship; even if they have to part (for a while) for individual reasons.
Found this article at http://www.angelfire.com/hi/nazam/islam.html worth reading.
snip-2
But Islam is not a religion of lone preachers. If we think that we can carry HIS task out by ourselves, we go against the law of nature. In nature, we find that a whole hive of bees work together to produce honey. A single bee would get nowhere. For this reason, Allah orders us to dedicate ourselves to working together with others in a Jama’ah (organised group):
There must be a group amongst you, which invites to good, and enjoins the right and forbids the wrong. (3:104)
i've learnt to be less judgemental over time. it's tough to suck up one's pride but it does make one a better person after that. well, hopefully anyways.
*hugs*
Posted by: Wena at 2003年11月16日 09:05U hv struck me as quite innerly and philosophical. At 28, u r doing very well and make a good being.
No friends are constant over time, we keep changing friends, so to speak. Some friends last 1 hour. Some friends last a few days. Mostly friends last few weeks and months. But it is rare if friends last years.
1976. Professor Lister and I used to take photos, drank tea and walked in the snow; his age 3 times mine. Today, our friendship continues through internet, after 30 years. He is now 72, retired professor but still teaches French classes at university. When internet came to Kuching in 1995, he found my email, and sent me autumn and winter photos once a while. This year, he sent me a photo of maple leaves. Anthony Lister is always a friend.
I met a 20-member group of internet chat friends in Kuching but it died naturally death after 2 years. Out of this group, I maintained contact with only 2. Why? Mostly because the time taken to understand the group is not possible, they are just looking for funs and entertainment to pass time.
Blog friends? Not yet ready to try. But it could be much different, because bloggers think and write more [more expression], which most chatters dont do.
I have some muslim staff working with me, and sometimes I do feel like asking them to read Najah, because I sense she is quite progressive and ready to be read. Am I right in saying so?
The best test of friendship? Imagine if one has an accident and is hospitalised. People who visit you in the ward, apart from family and work colleagues, are caring friends [excluding outstation].
1983. Met a Sarawak student at CNY dinner in university at Edmonton. Andrew is flying to Sarawak for CNY visit. He now runs medical clinic there. Friendship 20 years on and still going.
Chatted online to a 13-year old student. She will enter Australian university in Jan. But after 5 years of email, she finally sent me a photo of herself. Age? Friendship cuts across. I know she will be very bright in future. Now she asks for my car plate number, hoping to catch a glimpse when I am driving. Such shy girl, but I "watched" her grow by email and she will be somebody someday. We both reside in Kuching, never meet, but we are friends.
...some friendship never ends until the last breathe.
Posted by: bill at 2003年11月16日 10:11What you, Najah and Bill, wrote really touched me. I know only too well about the shifting, shaping circles of friendship.
Each time a person leaves, there is gaping hole, not just in the circle, but in the heart. Like Shanon said, the test of love, or in this case friendship, is that you reach out to the other person despite the hurt. And the friendship only comes full circle when the other person reaches out to you in return.
If there's only give and take from one side, then perhaps it's a friendship not worth pursuing. Otherwise, there would only be feelings of disappointment, frustration and resentment.
But in my working life, I've found it much harder to make and maintain lasting friendships. The friends that I can truly count on these days are the ones I've made in college. These are the people who, despite leading individual parallel lives on the other side of the city, country or world, I know I can always count on any time of day.
So Najah, even though it hurts to lose friends, or when friendships are not reciprocated, at least we must have the wisdom (and courage) to, as you say, "call it quits."
Although I don't know you, I feel that you really write from the heart. Take care, girl.
That was beautiful - I'm blessed with lots of friends; for which I am forever thankful for. Bill was right - the real test is one is hospitalised, and I'm proud to tell you that the nurse informed me; in her 17 years of working in that ICU ward - she has never seen so many visitors for one patient. And some of them are *mere* Internet Pals too!
Having said that, I've had my share of friends whom I have drifted apart - I wish it isn't so, but it's silly to cling on just because you went to the same kindergarten with her; but have nothing else in common.
Have a great Monday, Najah :)
Posted by: Leen at 2003年11月17日 07:39thanx for this post. it runs quite parallel to something in my life now. and im also a believer that whenever someone leaves or departs from you / is not in close contact with you, God will show another person. and this might be as fulfilling or better. banyakkan sabr.
Posted by: faren at 2003年11月17日 17:12ok ok fine...so i wasnt there when you came down for visits...and Im still not there when you need to talk...and I probably wont be there when things break down...
that's still no reason to axe me !!?!!
I mean, without me, where do you get your insults ?
:)
Posted by: Beng Ti at 2003年11月21日 16:03