I found myself in Teapot Cafe again today. After having a bad start to the day, I finally dragged myself out of the house to meet up with Sue, who's back from Perth, for coffee and eclairs (I had the eclairs, she just had coffee - residual guilt from being told by her father about how fat she's getting).
We talked about friends, about our lives since we last met, which was some time last year, about where we wanted to be and where we're heading. She'll be finishing her degree soon, and it's great to see that she's got a lot of interesting options ahead of her.
Looking at where she is at now, I wondered about what I've done in the last 5 years since I left university. 5 years seemed like 10, so many things have happened, nothing according to plan. At such milestones as our graduation day, we tend to make mental notes: get that job, get hitched, get a baby, get a political career - those kind of things. But what happens in between those things we often consider the significant milestones in life?
What of those people who never achieve the perfect job, the fulfilling relationship, the family situation? Does this mean that they have a lesser existence than those who have achieved the status symbols of a 'good' life?
Personally, I've given up on waiting for 'the one' of sorts. To me, life is about the in-betweens, about the fulfilling seconds and minutes between the significant events, and if the significant events never happen, at least I know I didn't waste any time waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Don't mistake this for a defeatist attitude. It is an attitude adjustment - a different way of looking at things to enable a better, more fulfilling existence, irrespective of how the world defines fulfilment.
Posted by Najah Nasseri at 2003年09月30日 21:48 | TrackBackLife has a funny way of turning tricks, it seems. You're right, we need that bit of adjustment. The idealism of youth somehow dies in the face of reality - you either adjust, or become jaded, I guess.
Posted by: Idlan at 2003年09月30日 22:38Idlan - you must have a very big hammer to hit that very concise nail. Touche.
Posted by: jikon at 2003年09月30日 23:53Ah the folly of youth! I would know! :)
But you don't have to grow up to to be jaded.....
Posted by: meesh at 2003年10月01日 08:02It is amazing how these five years have passed since graduation. Gone and faltered were all dreams to make a million before 30, retire early, put money in perpetuity, build a foundation, and do some charities work.
And like what you mentioned, we adjust and adjust to adapt and ultimately to survive. What these five years have taught me is that it is important to not hold too much to the philosphy of 'living for the moment'. And I wish that my feedback mechanism always do the corrections to avoid just that.
Life is just another open system and as an actor who goes through that loop, our reason for beings that is shaped by our belief and faith should be ultimate goal to all our plans and agendas.
Posted by: haxa at 2003年10月01日 08:54I was thinking about this again this morning as I was driving to work. The "in-betweens" will distract you for a while, but in the long run, you'll still have to go back and confront the "significant events". More than that it is the "significant events" that mark your life and by which you are judged (even by yourself), not the "in-betweens". Those are only fillers, like advertisements on TV.
I was also reminded of the song "Pavement Cracks" by Annie Lennox where she sings:
"Time and space will pass us by and by
When we don't see eye to eye
I would have done anything
For happiness to bring ...
But it don't show up in the pavement cracks
I can't even cover up my tracks
I'm goin' nowhere and I'm light years back
Ooh I wish you well"
Idlan - this is one song you must have!
Posted by: jikon at 2003年10月01日 11:18Perhaps its not about milestones, but more like doing what you feel right at that particular moment and time. Most importantly, you want to be able to look back without any regrets on the path you've chosen and embrace your mistakes as a part of life's lessons.
Posted by: magixcarpet at 2003年10月01日 11:43The "in-betweens" will always be there and will remain important, if you look at it in a broader sense, with Birth and Death as the significant markers.
In the words of George Santayana, the philosopher -
Quote: "There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval."
Posted by: Alex at 2003年10月01日 11:58As I reached a milestone this year, I realized that the main reason I was hindered in going forward becoz looking back. I woke up to reality that all the past experiences were meant to teach / show me something and it's up to me to learn something from it ...
Posted by: omecool20 at 2003年10月01日 14:44It is quite normal for one to look back and reassess where we have been and what we have achieved. It is just a very logical part of being human. The important part of this "appraisal" of one self is not to beat yourself over it. Looking back, there should not be any regrets, just lessons. It should just be as OMECOOL20 said a "milestone".
As conservatiove as we are human, the goals we set are not always "fixed". The "in-betweens" are important too. Smell the roses, enjoy the fruits of your labour and enjoy the company of good friends. It just validates the fact that you can still enjoy yourself as you go about targetting your goals.
The "attitude adjustment" is good, we realign our goals all the time. It keeps us sane. Good luck, you will be fine.
Posted by: Fische at 2003年10月01日 15:59*has wandered off to find Pavement Cracks via questionable means.. *
Posted by: Idlan at 2003年10月01日 16:15interesting reads. Have been coming and going, but now decided to link. Can i? ;)
Posted by: kiezamy at 2003年10月01日 21:26Is this leading towards a "short-term goal Vs long-term goal" discusiion?
I've always imagined my idealism to the point that the bad "in-betweens" will be erased temporarily.
Btw guys, what were your youthful idealism? care to share. I can't say what "were" my youthful idealism as I haven't reached the age that one can be jaded yet!(read: still a teen/youth)
Posted by: haniff at 2003年10月02日 12:33Well Haniff, I'd say that in our youth, our ideals were shaped by myths and fairytales. It's a matter of understanding that the key to happiness is not in the achievement of the impossible (read the myths/fairytales), rather the appreciation of what you already have.
Posted by: Najah at 2003年10月05日 22:40