I haven't been blogging at night for a while, and I noticed that it shows in the topics I choose to write on. This post will be somewhat introspective.
I went into the PROMUDA e-groups, haven't been in for a while, and it's good to see that it has been flourishing with debates on the status of women, France's stand on things, and an interesting article on how Blair's government tried to 'manufacture consent' by spinning publicly available information into a poorly constructed piece of plagiarism and using its position to try and pass it off as something credible.
All this is very disturbing. I guess life, in this century, has become very much disturbing. Perhaps the ratio of conflict per capita may have remained stagnant since the 1800s, but with all this information tunnelled almost directly to our eyeballs 24 hours a day, everyday of the week, it sometimes feels like that's all there is to this world. These continuous conflicts leave some of us in a state of emotional helplessness as some conflicts seem too big for us to do anything about.
Personally, I have to force myself to switch off for a while, lest I be too jaded to change the things I can change. Today, something hit me over afternoon coffee. With all the little things I have done to make a difference in my little life, even those things seem too far out of reach.
Work, something I hope to continue to blossom into a fulfilling career, has been uncertain for a while now. Some of my colleagues deal with it by compiling little pieces of gossip and pantry talk and trying to make sense of it all. I dealt with it by going on with work - every second counts, and instead of idling my 8 hours a day away, I plan to use it to make myself better.
Or at least that was the plan. Over coffee, I heard some of the most vicious, but frighteningly plausible theories on what has been going on. Personal agendas, high-ranking conspiracies and not-so honourable dealings were tabled for our consumption. Juicy as the story may be, the sheer hopelessness in it made me sick to my stomache. If true, this can be one of those "little people gets crushed" stories that makes it difficult for one to keep one's motivation to do one's best.
When I turn from a dark event (the accident), to a bleak event (work) to an even darker reality (the e-group), tomorrow, or next Monday even, seems daunting. At times like this, I sought solace in one of Helen Keller's famous quotes.
Posted by Najah Nasseri at 2003年02月14日 23:57