KL can be a lonely place. Despite its millions of inhabitants, the crowded spaces gives more reason for people to close themselves up than to reach out and touch someone. There is a need to keep up pretenses, and it is rare that you see someone sitting alone in a cafe, content with just watching the world go by.
There are many women who have a fear of being left alone and mateless in KL. So much so that many rush themselves into relationships or stay within a pointless one for fear of not having one. These smart, educated, and economically-independent women turn irrational for fear of becoming the social outcast: The smart, educated and economically-independent woman who can't get a man because she was "too focused" on her own ambitions.
Why such a stigma in this enlightened age? Yes, child-bearing has its biological limitations, but is child-bearing the ultimate goal for all women? At the risk of going against what we consider the natural destiny of women as a species, are there women who just simply do not feel the ticking of the clock?
There is also the argument that men need women and women need men. I won't argue with that. But does that mean that just because we 'need' men, that we have to find that man (or settle for any man for that matter) by a certain age, lest we fall into the outcast group?
I know women who rush past the husband/children thing and get it over and done with and then kick-start their careers. They get the raised eyebrows and accusatory questions e.g. "Where's your husband? So, he's taking care of the kids?". I know women who wait. I also know women who are exactly where our society tells them they should be. A cross-section of these women are happy cruising through life the way it is, until they run into the brick wall of 'social norms'.
I wonder if there's a good statistical analysis of what is 'normal' for women in KL today. Perhaps it's a more even distribution among the three. I know that it is pretty much even among the women I know. If so, then shouldn't our standards of happiness be readjusted to ensure that it is attainable, rather than have it rooted in the near-impossible traditions of yesteryear?
Posted by Najah Nasseri at 2003年06月09日 20:03Yeah, and because of these social pressures from society, some women will end up with the wrong mate for the wrong reasons!
Posted by: sarini at 2003年06月09日 20:33Oi, men have this "mateless" stigma as well. they rush into relationships too. it only APPEARS that they're immune because we all know that the women will blame THEMSELVES for the failure of the relationship anyway so we get off scott free. we have it sooooo gooood...
Posted by: Tim at 2003年06月09日 21:24An interesting question arises with your post ... these "feelings" that you articulate are very much personal in nature. As such, be it for the men or the women, why should social norms be such a strong influence in us being who we are.
The smart and educated must know that if they have achieved such stature, then it is not impossible for them to be who they want to be. If so, why are they self critical even if they can evidently see that it could be outright destructive.
Societies around the world should learn a lesson from all this. The large number of migrations, and the every increasing "Brain Drain" are all mainly because the young and mobile chose to make a stand and do something for themselves instead of being subject to external pressures, be it perception, lifestyle or outright norms.
I guess the trick then is balance, how much are you willing to change and forgo to be without the pressures and the need for pretenses.
Once you decide on where you want to be ... just get on with it and live life they way you need it to be, not as others think you should be.
Posted by: fische at 2003年06月09日 23:31"A cross-section of these women are happy cruising through life the way it is, until they run into the brick wall of 'social norms'." Najah nazeze
I ran into that brick wall. And I decorated it with pictures . Surely people have different marital wants. Let them be. Live your life the way you see fit! People are just props, you're the Star of the play. Don't let extras be the director, you is it.
“It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion ; it is easy in solitude to live after our own ; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. ” -some smart bloke.
Have fun with the brick wall. Don't whinge, go crazy this time ok?
Posted by: Feeling_sxy at 2003年06月10日 21:49A few years ago I ran into a middle age Malay couple in a subway. When we got to the ground level, I approached them and said, "Assalamualaikum, kakak dan abang ni dari Malaysia kah?"
They were surprised but they responded to my greeting nevertheless. I was going to ask them, are they vacationing, but the woman cut me halfway.
"Husband you mana?"
I found it amusing and annoying.
Amused: I asked them in Malay, she answered me in well..........
Annoying: I was standing right in front of her in my 5' 2" frame, and all she asked was my husband's whereabout.
We tend to hurt the person we care most - soli
Posted by: Soli at 2003年10月17日 15:04